Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Not My Ordinary Selfie

Warning: This is a sentimental post. 

Do you know that the word ‘selfie’ is already in the dictionary?
The word ‘Selfie” has been added to Oxford Dictionaries Online. The dictionary's official definition of selfie is: “A photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a Smartphone or webcam and uploaded to a social media website."

So ano nga ba ang point ko?

If you happen to be one of my friends, you would probably not be surprised if I posted random selfie photos on my Facebook and Instagram accounts on random days. You would not be surprised if you see more of my malapad na face on my phone’s gallery and oh, on your galleries too! But no, this is not going to be a selfie post or an #ootd #fashion post. So continue scrolling down, my friends! Hehehe J

So ano nga ba talaga ang point ko?

I may not share this to my friends, but I’m really not in good shape for the past 2 months – both physically and mentally. And sometimes, spiritually. The problem lies within myself. Gets nyo ba? It’s like I lost all my confidence and all my positive thoughts. I became weak and fragile. And I started to lose hope. I knew I needed a break.

Since I have a long weekend to rest, I’ve decided to give one of my rest days to myself. Just for myself. Call me selfish but yes, this is my own version of selfie!

I’m the dependent type of person. I’m usually accompanied by others when I’m going out to the mall or anywhere else. I’m really not the soloist type. That is a fact that my loved ones knew about me. So going out solo is really a challenge for me.

Yesterday, I went out and dated myself! I’m actually smiling while I’m typing this because I am so proud of this accomplishment. Hahaha! Ang babaw ko talaga! So just be patient while I’m story telling how that day went on.

I had my nails done before I head to the mall. Upon reaching the mall, I first checked the movie schedules. Luckily, I was just in time for the movie that I wanted to watch. I bought fries and hurriedly went on the cinema house. I watched a love story so I am literally surrounded by couples! Gaaaaad! The advantage of watching movie alone is that I was able to spot the best seat easily. Never mind the couples sitting right next to me, of course! The disadvantage of this is that I don’t have anyone to talk / cry / laugh with. Sa sobrang selfish ko nga, sarili ko na lang din ang kinakausap ko! Hahaha!

After the movie, I went to a coffee shop and ordered my favorite coffee best paired with my favorite cookie! Everything’s just so smooth! I went to the supermarket, and then I headed home after. And that’s it!

So eto na, ano nga ba talaga ang point ko?

I know other people can also do it. It may be easy and shallow for some, or for some it may be an ordinary thing. But I wanted to prove that a dependent person like me can also do that. Giving myself a break from everybody else can be refreshing at times. It’s fulfilling, actually. The feeling when you get to see yourself standing during the time you needed someone to stand beside you yet you see no one. Not even the person you’re expecting the most. That feeling when you feel like you proved that no one has the right to leave you hanging because you can stand on your own. Lord, I made it! Nang dahil sa solo date ko sa sarili ko! Haha!

I just got tired of thinking what went wrong in my life. How miserable I am, and how unworthy I am for everything that I have now. I got tired from crying and trying. I got tired from asking questions every night, and got no answers the next morning. I got tired from the feeling of not loved and not trusted. I got tired from defending myself against myself and everybody else. I just got tired.

Proving my worth is hard especially when you’re trying to prove it for somebody else. It’s important that you start proving it to yourself first. Know yourself. It can never be wrong to be needy, because I’m guilty as charged! I’m strong but I’m needy and I also need to be needed. 



This is just a start of reviving my self-esteem! Lord, help me with this!

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